:::Dusting off the blog:::

:::cough, cough:::

Phew… I’m back.

Well, no promises except for the oft repeated early new year’s resolution “I shall update this blog more often”.

Anywaaay… the musings in my head have been swirling around causing a slight headache. It’s good, though, that means I still have the desire to write.

Topic? The art of conversation.

In an era where people mostly do their communication through email, Yahoo Messenger, Google Talk, texting, and more recently, the addictive Blackberry, having a normal, face-to-face conversation seems so… what, dated?

I mean, sure the hangout places in Jakarta abound, but I noticed more and more people who hang out at places like Citos or Fx crowd around a laptop or hold their phones in their hands. Their talking is most likely to be interrupted by the ping of an text message, or someone buzzing them on messenger.

Which brings me to the question, have we lost the art of conversation? A friend recently confessed to me “I don’t have anything to talk about”.

What’s that? Say again? So, said friend was recently in a situation where she had to entertain a group of people which included someone very close to her. What happened was, during the entire time they were together, there was a lot ‘dead air’ between her and the other person. There were prolonged gaps in the conversation which could not filled. In short she felt like the most uncool, “kurang gaul” person on the face of the earth. Well maybe not the face of the earth (to my friend, if you’re reading, please don’t feel exposed).

Well, this friend is an extreme case. At the other extreme, I have chatterbox friends who can’t seem to stop talking even when I don’t feel like talking to them.

I have been blessed with the gift of having little fear of public speaking. In Indonesia, I’m probably one of those thick-skinned “kulit badak” people who don’t care when they have to stand up in front and blabber about a topic for a period of time (after all, I have to do that with students. Although teacher blabber is now frowned upon since we want the students to be more active, but that’s for another post).

For me, I just try to pluck a topic from things lodged in my brain due to excessive reading.  I read almost anything on print, from Alan Greenspan’s biography to supermarket tabloids (they’re like a car accident, you can’t help but stop and watch). I consider myself like a sponge, absorbing anything from the current economic crisis (I look at my Citbank account and wonder what’s going to happen with what’s little I that have), to microbiology (still in awe of those little creatures we call “bugs”) to TV shows (I can talk for hours about Friends, 24), to the weather, to intl celebrities (George Clooney! Brad Pitt! David Duchovny!). I have to admit, Indonesian celebrities just make me scratch my head with their “I want my privacy” crap. They complain, but when the cameras are off, they do something just for the sake on being on camera again. Sheesh, talk about staying past your 15 minutes of fame.

My point is, when trying to maintain conversations, you need to have a handful of topics on hand. When it’s with somebody you know and care about, it should be easier, since you know the person.

What about if you just met the person? You need what’s called icebreakers. Here’s an amusing example I had with someone, during introductions:

Mr. A, reading my namecard: “So…Sitaresmi?”

Me: “Call me Sita”

Mr. A: “Oooh, like the….loyal wife of Rama?”

Me (in a  fake annoyed tone): “Yessss, the loyal wife of Rama, who set herself on fire when Rama doubted her loyalty…”

B and C (who were listening): “she set herself on fire?????”

And then we went on talking about the legend of Ramayana for about a few minutes, including Mr. A’s story about a current interpretation of Ramayana in which Sita didn’t feel kidnapped by Rahwana, but actually showed interest in Rahwana

Anyway, the above example just shows that it’s important to have topics like culture on hand. I mean, who knew that my name could be an ice breaker???

But, to be fair, the characteristics of a person also determine how the conversation will go. Again, I feel so blessed to have met people from different parts of the world. The way you talk to a Japanese person is different from talking to a German or American. Then there are Indonesians, who still sometimes confuse me eventhough I’m Indonesian myself :-).

So here are my general rules for maintaining the art of conversation:

1. Establish eye contact.

2. Always try to speak clearly with measured tones. Don’t be too loud or too soft.

3. Here are some good icebreakers: the weather (especially useful in 4 season countries), the traffic (useful in SE Asia), local food and culture (can be applied anywhere).

4. I usually stay away from topics like politics (but the American election this year has been enlightening), the economy (unless it deals with shopping :-)), sex (fun topic for some Indonesian men, unfortunately, yuck).

5. Be a good listener. This way, you can pick up topics from your conversation partner!

Of course, there is always an “X factor”. With some people, there’s immediate chemistry & you can talk and talk until Starbucks closes, while other people you just think “Ohmigod, I wanna go home” after 5 minutes. Unfortunately, you can’t predict that upfront.

For some, like my friend, having conversations  will take more “practice”, need more interactions with people. But I am sure that there is a hidden chatterbox in all of us somewhere.

This post is dedicated to my long time friend who I have known for 30 years. Do not despair or beat up yourself, just be you and let go!

Just something from my trip to Germany

atau an entire different language entirely :-)?

Ugh, keluar lagi deh si penjahat bahasa yang suka campur-campur ini. Saya tergelitik setelah membaca sebuah posting di blog ini . Saya belum kenalan dengan si empunya blog, who is quite prolific and opinionated (and BTW, if you’re reading this, hello…), tapi “tembakan” beliau lumayan kena nih, hehehe.

Iya, saya termasuk golongan yang lumayan lama terekspos Bahasa Inggris di negeri koloni Inggris yaitu Amerika Serikat (nanti kalau dibilang negara asal Bahasa Inggris, nanti saya ditimpuk Ratu Elizabeth, hahaha. Asal jangan balik ke jaman King Henry, nanti saya dipancung kayak Anne Boleyn. Duh, kebanyakan nonton The Tudors nihh…)

Eh sampai mana tadi? Saya hobi ngomong campur-campur. Saya juga memang termasuk yang lantang bilang ke orang “Eh, kalau baca novel, pakai Bahasa aslinya, jangan baca terjemahan…” soalnya, penerjemah kita terkadang belum bisa menangkap ruh si pengarang (mohon maaf kepada profesi penerjemah). Malah, kalau lagi cape, seringkali merepet pakai Bahasa Inggris. Ngga tahu kenapa, setelan otaknya kali. Moga-moga, tidak dianggap sok pamer ya…

Oya. Sebulan terakhir ini, saya kebetulan lagi sering jalan ke daerah, entah karena tugas atau main, jadi sempat lihat dan dengar berapa hal :

1. Pramugari-pramugari muda di LionAir lumayan bagus lho Bahasa Inggrisnya sewaktu menyampaikan safety procedures. Salut! Now, if they could only repair those broken seats…

2. Channel Surfing di hotel: Ketemu sinetron dengan pemain Cinta Laura.Decided that she is indeed, using the accent as a gimmick. Berharap ada orang yang menyadarkan dia bahwa, nobody is going to take her seriously if she talks like that.

3. Tapi, tapi, keponakan saya bilang “I talk like her Tante Sita…” yes dear, but you’re cute and you’re mine! ::wink, wink:: Ngomong-ngomong, Si keponakan ini baru saja selesai Year-6 di negeri Prince William dan akan masuk Year-7. Sudah mulai belajar English Grammar secara serius. Dan sudah mulai lihat, bahwa di Indonesia, penggunaan Bahasa Inggris masih perlu diperbaiki. Saat kita nonton Ramayana Ballet di Jogja dan dia baca sinopsis dalam Bahasa Inggris, dahinya berkerut. Memang, yang nulis sinopsisnya perlu proofreader. Atau perlu kursus lagi sama keponakan saya, hehehe.

Jadi, di HUT RI ke 63 ini marilah kita berbahasa apapun dengan baik dan benar!

Again a celebrity that I dislike is using my blog template, ugh. So another change of scenery…

Blog lagi, blog lagi…abis gratis sih

Karena saya punya hobi nonton seri TV Amerika, dan banyak seri TV ini dijual (bajakan, tentu), rasanya perlu deh disortir supaya bisa dipisah mana yang oke dan mana yang bisa dilewatkan…

So, mohon jenguk The Depok Couch Potato untuk cerita-cerita tentang TV Amerika. Bilingual (rencananya).

Dan sudah pernahkah menengok The Microbiology Teacher? That’s mine too

The younger generation might not really know this guy, but I loved (and still love) his acting. Imagine, there’s an actor who almost got a Ph.D in English Literature! If you know about the X-Files, then you’re familiar with him.

Why am I writing this? Well, I’ve just discovered that he has a blog! Cool!

As time draws to a close of another UNISTAFF programme, I feel the need to say something, mostly because this is the last year for ISOS carrying out UNISTAFF.

I call them The Three Musketeers. I think they also see themselves that way. And looking up the original Three Musketeers story, I think it is appropriate. Although you most likely cannot see them as Athos, Porthos and Aramis but seven years ago, I was a d’Artagnan, leaving home to become a Musketeer at the training ground that is ISOS, University of Kassel, Witzenhausen Germnay, determined to defend the honor of Indonesian Higher Education

So who are these three gentlemen who I love to call the Musketeers?

I’ll start with Siawuch Amini. Sia Amini is the passionate researcher. Always has a lot to say, and it often comes out as jumbled words on the board. The images I have of Sia are those of true researcher who is most happy in the field, in the laboratory or in front of his computer, so when he’s the classroom, he sometimes looks out of place, and I also sometimes have a hard time understanding him. But beneath the grumpy exterior, he’s a lovable guy.

Then we have Matthias Wesseler. Matthias is the quintessential teacher. His concept of “educating someone is lighting a candle, not filling a empty glass” is one principle that I hold on to this day. Motivation is the key to unlocking a student’s potential, so that is what I continue to try to do in my students. Soft spoken, quiet, his optimistic look on life is uplifting and infectious.

What can I say about Michael Fremerey? The ideas he throws at someone are so often thought provoking and they incite emotions in you that never come up otherwise. He is the true sparring partner for me, patiently listening to my ideas, arguments, complaints and what not. Our discussions are always lively. Spreading the message of Change and Leadership is his calling, and he truly has contibuted to my personal change.

Together, these three have collectively trained around 400 university staff, young (and not so young) apprentices, ‘d’Artagnan’s who come to seek guidance at UNISTAFF. Most of them have moved on to become very important people at their institutions, agents-of-change who managed to create change on different levels. Some are quiet and never heard from again, but that’s okay, because you can’t expect all of them to grow and develop. What they have done is amazing. I can only hope that after seven years, I am now worthy to be the fourth (or fortieth, or four hundreth) Musketeer and stand beside them.

And so as the 2008 UNISTAFF comes to a close, I (virtually) stand up to honor these three gentlemen who truly embodied the spirit of the Musketeers “All for One, and One for All”.

The question has been nagging me since I started working on a proposal with colleagues in Germany this week. It’s been a nostalgic week to say the least, since I’m working in a place where I spent two months in 2001. I’m staying at the same residence, walking the same route, entering the building through the same door, working with the same professors so I am excited and a little sad at the same time.

Well, it has been 7 years.

It is now a time of transition for this group and I’m working with them through this time. The youngest professor will retire next year so a new group will “take over” the program and eveything.

I know, I know. Change is necessary. Change is (can be) good. But I feel I’m not doing a good job in dealing with this change. Knowing that next year, the office will be occupied by a different professor, with different staff has made me walk with lump in my throat that is getting bigger as time goes by.

How sentimental can you get?

Believe me, I can be pretty sentimental. I’m the kind of person who keeps a lot of odd things like ticket stubs, receipts etc etc. Walking around town almost everything is still the same but unfortunately, things will be different next year inside the campus.

I didn’t realize I would have mixed emotions when I arrived last Saturday. I told myself I was going to have fun, enjoy Germany & take this trip as a vacation of sorts. Oh I am enjoying myself, but I didn’t take into account my emotional attachment to this particular group of people.

This really goes against the idea of change. I don’t want things to change at the moment because I feel like I’m losing an anchor, a sounding board, someone who I can rely on…

So again, can we really handle change?

Sure we can, I’m just not doing a good job right now…

Update: I have been assured that the “Three Musketeers” that have taught this course from beginning will most likely still be actively involved in the course for the near future. It’s just “the administrative stuff” that will be organized by another group.

Well, okay, but still, I can’t help feel a bit mellow thinking about 2009…

Nggak, nggak, saya nggak akan nyebut-nyebut mbak CL dulu kok

Beberapa tahun terakhir, saya selalu dikerjain diminta tolong oleh pihak kemahasiswaan fakultas untuk membantu pemilihan Mahasiswa Berprestasi. Peranan saya, menilai kompetensi Bahasa Inggris para calon mahasiswa berprestasi tersebut. Dua tahun terakhir, penilaian kompetensi Bahasa Inggris diperluas menjadi Lomba Bahasa Inggris dan terbuka bagi seluruh mahasiswa.

Setiap tahun, pasti muncul bakat-bakat terpendam, hidden jewels, mahasiswa-mahasiswa yang memiliki kompetensi Bahasa Inggris yang di atas rata-rata. Hal yang lebih menggembirakan lagi adalah bahwa peminat lomba setiap tahun meningkat. Makin banyak mahasiswa FMIPA yang bilingual. Tahun ini peserta dari Dept Biologi yang lolos ke final ada 5 orang (dari 12 orang finalis). Sungguh, sebagai seorang dosen, hati saya berbunga-bunga, cieeeee. Belum lagi mahasiswa-mahasiswa yang belajar menulis Bahasa Inggris lewat blognya. Sangat membanggakan!

Sayangnya rasa berbunga-bunga itu sedikit dirusak dengan kehadiran celebrity muda yang meskipun cantik, tapi penguasaan bahasanya, ampun-ampunan deh. Generasi muda celebrity Indonesia saat ini memang kental dengan International flavor. Coba saja lihat nama-nama ini: Marsha Timothy, Richard Kevin, Andrew White, Ben Joshua, dll, dll.

And then we have, just like Snow White, the fairest of them all: Cinta Laura.

Anak ini, konon besar di LN, mengikuti tugas sang ayah sehingga dia lebih menguasai Bahasa Inggris ketimbang Bahasa Indonesia. Analoginya mungkin Ida Iasha (remember her, generation 80s?). Jadinya, kalau sedang berbahasa Indonesia, logat baratnya sangat kental.

And wouldn’t you know, Indonesian people just looove her accent. The “hujan-becek-ngga ada ojek” thing became a big hit. People (read: tabloids) make her say those words during interviews, eeeww.

The first time I heard her speak, I thought it was cute. She reminded me of my niece living in the UK. But after a hundred times it became annoying. I cringe every time I hear her speak. Look, she is not the only bilingual person in this huge metropolitan. All of my bilingual friends can manage two different languages without the heavy English accent. *I* managed to maintain my bilingual capabilities. So why can’t she do it?

My theory is now the accent is her gimmick/thing. She gets endorsement and advertising deals based on speaking English-accented-Indonesian so she’s got to keep up the act of talking like that, eventhough it makes her sound like a cartoon. What makes me more worried is that more and more Indonesian kids will sound like her. Is that what we want?

So kids, if you’re reading this, please, please, don’t use Cinta Laura’s language skills as a model. You can be bilingual without the accent!